Feeling "good enough" is a cornerstone of self-acceptance and mental wellbeing. It's a recognition that we are capable, valuable, and worthy, even with our imperfections. Yet, in a world that often celebrates perfection, it's easy to feel as though we fall short.
Today's prompt from Action for Happiness on their Self-Care September calendar is, "Aim to be good enough, rather than perfect," couldn't be timelier. It encourages us to reassess our standards and embrace the idea that being "good enough" is a significant achievement.
But Where Does Our Standard of “Good Enough” Come From?
Our perception of "good enough" is shaped by a myriad of factors, including:
Societal expectations: Media, advertising, and social media often portray unrealistic standards of beauty, success, and happiness.
Comparison: We often compare ourselves to others, believing that their achievements or abilities define "good enough."
Past experiences: Negative experiences or feedback can lead to self-doubt and lower self-esteem.
Upbringing: When we are young, usually under the age of around 7, we tend to take things told to us by our adults (parents, caregivers, teachers, etc) as fact and can create rules and expectations based on those ‘facts’. Often, we continue to perpetuate these ideas into adulthood without taking the time to reassess and see whether this framework fits our own beliefs now, our goals and aspirations, our understanding of the world, our values and priorities. You may find some of the things you stored as fact and are continuing to live by are actually not factual at all when you stop and take a look.
Rethinking the Bar
Feeling "good enough" more of the time is an important journey we should all think about embarking on sooner rather than later. To do so, it's essential to re-evaluate our standards.
Here are some strategies you could try:
Challenge negative thoughts: When negative thoughts arise, question their validity. Are they based on facts, or are they exaggerated or distorted? Are they your own thoughts or have you inherited them from someone else? Do you want to keep them as your standard now?
Practice self-compassion: Treat yourself with kindness and understanding, just as you would a friend. Consider a friend telling you the internal chatter you’re giving yourself, how would you respond to them?
Set realistic goals: Break down large goals into smaller, achievable steps. Aim to complete just the first step and take it from there. Celebrate your progress, no matter how small. Try and have goals in different areas of your life, work, personal, educational, physical, mental, etc. Focussing on just one area, such as work, can leave you feeling frazzled and unmotivated.
Focus on strengths: Identify your strengths and talents. Acknowledge your accomplishments and build on them. Write down here strengths you think you have, be careful to be thinking about strengths you have now, not when you were a different age. Ask friends and family to write down three strengths they think you have. Others often notice great traits we ignore or disregard in ourselves.
Seek support: Talk to friends, family, or a therapist about your feelings. Sharing your experiences can provide validation and support. Accept that there may be some things you need to work through and beyond to tackle feelings of not being good enough. Put that time and energy into yourself, you’re worth it!
Tools for Well-being
Here are a couple of suggestions of techniques that could help cultivate a new sense of "good enough":
Hypnotherapy: Hypnosis can help reprogram negative thought patterns and promote self-acceptance.
Mindfulness: Mindfulness practices, such as meditation and deep breathing, can help reduce stress and increase self-awareness.
Wellbeing activities: Engage in activities that promote your physical and mental health, such as exercise, hobbies, or spending time in nature.
Today's Tip: Practice Gratitude
To try fostering a feeling of "good enough" today, try practicing gratitude. Take a few moments to reflect on the things you are grateful for, no matter how small. This can shift your focus from what you lack to what you have, fostering a sense of contentment and appreciation. Write it down or download yourself a free gratitude app (I personally like the app ‘Presently’). Try and write down at least three things you are grateful for every day. You’ll be surprised at what a difference such a small thing can make. Big changes start small.
Remember, being "good enough" is not about perfection; it's about accepting yourself as you are and aiming and making space for growth and improvement.
By challenging negative thoughts, practicing self-compassion, and embracing your unique qualities, you too can cultivate a sense of self-worth and live a more fulfilling life.
If you are finding yourself really struggling with a feeling of not being good enough, please feel free to reach out to me in whatever way you feel comfortable.
Warmest wishes,
Kim
Image by <a href="https://pixabay.com/users/tumisu-148124/?utm_source=link-attribution&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=image&utm_content=4822683">Tumisu</a> from <a href="https://pixabay.com//?utm_source=link-attribution&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=image&utm_content=4822683">Pixabay</a>
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